Empty Nagging Unrest

Friend: Hey Christian, its good to see you, how has your week been? 

Christian: Oh, its been okay, thanks. 

Friend: Why just okay?  Anything going on with you?

Christian: Oh, no.  Nothing major.  I'm not sure why I said okay. 

Friend: Well, is something minor bothering you?

Christian: I guess, yeah.  It's hard to describe.  I just live with this background noise that's like a nagging feeling in my stomach.  I feel mildly agitated and don't really want to live like that.

Friend: Yeah.  What do you do about it?

Christian: That's a good question.  I don't really do much about it.  I think I try to ignore it.  If I keep myself pretty busy and distracted then it kind of just fades into the background.  

Friend: Like a background noise?

Christian: Yeah.

Friend: So you distract yourself?

Christian: Yeah, I try to stay really busy, or occupied.  You know, when I am not busy with work I habitually check my phone, scroll through Facebook, read blogs, watch TV.

Friend: Anything else?

Christian: Sometimes religious activities.  Reading theology, serving in ministries, reading and sharing blog articles.  Or sports and activities.  Or food.  Either eating it, or worrying about not eating it, or what to eat, or how I feel from eating it.  Sometimes I wonder if the problem is nutritional or dietary.  Maybe I have one of those intolerances everyone talks about.

Friend: Maybe.  How does the distraction thing play into that?  If you are constantly distracting yourself, you must be distracting yourself from something. 

Christian: Yeah.  I am distracting myself.  I don't like that nagging feeling.

Friend: Does it work?

Christian: What?

Friend: The distraction.  Does it make the nagging thing go away?  

Christian: No, it doesn't.  I mean, for awhile.  If I really focus on other things then it kind of recedes for awhile.  Sometimes really working hard at exercise and diet seem to give me some level of relief, which I have to settle for.  

Friend: Do you?

Chrsitian: Do I what?

Friend: Do you have to settle?

Christian: I guess not.

Friend: If you had a dog in your yard that wouldn't stop barking night and day, do you think the best solution would be to try to distract yourself from the sound?

Christian: Haha, no.  I would tell it to go home.

Friend: Yeah.

Christian: Okay, so distracting myself is the wrong way to deal.  But what do I do, how do I send it home?

Friend: I think that depends on what it is.

Christian: How do I figure that out?

Friend: Well, I think it would be good to start with the basics.

Christian: That makes sense.  What are you referring to?

Friend: What is your deepest need?

Christian: Food?

Friend: Think like a Christian.

Christian: Okay.  I guess my deepest problem is sin, so my deepest need is forgiveness and freedom from sin.

Friend: Good.  And have you been given a way to deal with sin?

Christian: Yes, Jesus dealt with it.

Friend: Most true!  And what are you then called to do with your sin?

Christian: Um... confess and repent?

Friend: Right.  Do you do that?

Christian: Well, sure.

Friend: Regularly and deeply, as a practice?

Christian: No.  Honestly, it is pretty sporadic.  

Friend: So could feelings of guilt for unconfessed sin be what is bothering you?

Christian: I suppose so.  Does guilt work like that?

Friend: Think about your closest relationships: parents, siblings, spouse, kids.  When you wrong them does it affect the relationship?  Does it affect the way you act and feel around them?  

Christian: Yeah, it does.  I try to avoid them, I have a nagging feeling that things aren't right.

Friend: How does it get better?

Christian: When I admit what I did wrong and apologize.  It is amazing how restorative that is to the relationship and to me.

Friend: Do you see what I am getting at here?

Christian: Yeah.  But confession is hard.  How can I confess every sin?  

Friend: Start with the ones you remember.  Start generally.  Ask God to reveal more that is in the way.  Do you think he wants guilt to stand between you?  What lengths has he gone to in order to remove it?

Christian: Yeah.

Friend: Confess every day.  As you fall, rise through confession.  Ask him to forgive the ones you don't see.  And do it all purposefully.  Consider your sin.  Consider the guilt of it.  Own it all the way to the bottom, without excusing, justifying, or blaming. Then plunge it fully in the blood of Jesus, put all your sin on him, and rise with a clean conscience, knowing it is finished.  If guilt nags at you, remind it of Christ and his sacrifice.  Do you know the joy of a clean conscience?

Christian: Kind of.

Friend: It is a treasure worth digging for.  It is freely yours in Christ.  Seek it.

Christian: Will this solve all my problems.

Friend: I don't know.  But if you are not in the practice of daily confession this would be the place to start.  Christ promises rest to those who come to him.  

Christian: Thanks for talking to me about this.

Friend: Go in peace.