I got started thinking about this topic because I was reflecting on why Facebook can be so addictive.
What is it about Facebook that has so many of us repeatedly engaged throughout every day?
Why do we compulsively come back to it to check in?
Why is it such an easy break?
Why is it so popular and almost addictive?
There are lots of different factors at play here. To hang it all on one branch would be reductive. We could consider things like the ego inflation from friends and status likes, and the opportunity for self-aggrandizement. We could bring up the good motivations like keeping up with distant friends and family. We could think about the power of habits. But I want to focus on one element that I think comes into play, yet isn't highly visible at first glance. That is Facebook as social pornography. In order to explain myself, I will start by talking about pornography.
Somewhere C. S. Lewis invites us to consider a person who loves eating, and eventually twists that desire to the point that sometimes when he is hungry he will go look at movies of people eating, audibly enjoying themselves. It is laughable because it is weird and out of place. I figure you see the analogy.
So, since porn is weird and out of place, why do people engage in it? What is the draw? Again, reasons could be multiplied, but I want to point to one specific reason. Why would a husband or wife look at pornography when they have their own spouse to enjoy? Why would a hungry person choose to watch a movie of people eating rather than sit down to a meal? And similarly, why do young men delay marriage for years, content with their porn habit to keep their desires (somewhat) met? I think a huge factor that plays into it (besides the obvious lust) is laziness, which, not surprisingly is a besetting sin of men.
To cook a real meal involves some preparation. Likewise to engage a real woman involves some preparation. The work is fun and good, and all part of the enjoyment, but the point is that it requires something of you in the big picture. You can't be a self-serving jerk and then expect her to be warm and ready. And even if she is, she is probably hoping for some consideration in the exchange. It is not about using another person merely as an object for your own personal pleasure. You might have to take a shower and put down whatever you are snacking on. For a single man, it requires the work of pursuing a woman as a wife. It involves having a place where the two of you can live and make a home. It involves having a steady job. It involves thinking about her and putting her ahead of yourself. These things are glorious, and life is in them, but to the lazy man they seem better pursued tomorrow than today. So he takes the easy route and touches the screen. And the woman on the screen always seems warm and ready. And she asks nothing of you...except for your soul.
Okay, remember we were actually talking about Facebook? We are a people hungry for community, and Facebook is always warm and ready. And it is all on my terms. I don't have to look you in the eye, I don't have to give any more than I feel like giving, I can always just close the browser. I can take my quick little fix of community without having to really care or invest. If I don't like what you are saying, I scroll past. To stop being friends, I just click the button. We can even continue to have mutual friends and it won't really get awkward.
But real community is much harder. In the pursuit of real community you may actually want me to listen to you, and if I check out, you might take offense or go away. Real community takes self-sacrifice to do it right. If I go on a confused rant during lunch I will still have to sit at the table with you and see the bewildered look on your face. If I sin against you, I need to humble myself, say I am sorry, and make it right. Yet real community means real people, people who strive with me. It means learning emotional and spiritual maturity together. It means really hearing you laugh and really seeing you cry. It means tasting the food you made and singing with you when one of us is a little off key. It means approaching God together in worship when we know each others' sins.
So a major snare of Facebook, though it surely has legitimate uses, is that it can become a kind of social pornography. But here is the problem with the path of the lazy; it keeps promising and never really delivering. And so you have to keep checking back.
Thankfully we know the One who promises big and delivers even more, and he is inviting us to have real community with Him through Jesus.
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